Welcome, God and All...
Some of our most profound experiences happen when the subconscious produces a drama only seen with the eyes closed, in the world of dreams.
The Bible contains several instances of visions received in dreams. In the Old Testament, Joseph and Daniel interpreted dreams of serious import to Pharaoh and Nebuchadnezzar, respectively. In the New Testament, Joseph (Jesus' guardian and foster father) receives dreams from an angel (likely the Archangel Gabriel) to take Mary, already pregnant, as his spouse; and to flee Bethlehem for Egypt during the raging of Herod the king, and still when it was safe to return home to Nazareth. In the Acts of the Apostles, Peter receives a vision in a dream in which he is shown that the Christian world did not have to subscribe to the dietary and other restrictions of the Jewish faith - thus showing that Christ's mission and ministry was to be open to everyone.
The first Inside Out movie from Disney and Pixar depicted a scenario of how dreams happen and are played out when you are not quite asleep and not fully awake. The film's humorous take on Riley's subconscious is one-way dreams walk one though a replay of a past experience. Dreams can be symbolic, too. Those dreams and visions throughout much of the Bible run the gamut from obviously simple interpretation to things that challenge us to understand what the dreams and visions represent. The symbolism behind dreams has its own place in modern-day psychoanalysis.
Dreams can be recurring; that is, can replay several times such as the anniversary of a loved one's death, or a past experience that have sudden twists and turns and flashes between one scene and another, unrelated in any way.
Having said that, I had a very serious and troubling dream recently. Before I get into its specifics, I should update the reader on real-life events in my life that I believe served as a trigger to this specific dream.
The targeted restructuring of one parish in which I serve merging with a neighboring parish stalled, having the Church equivalent of a restraining order as a result of a petition by my parish to review and eventually overturn the decree of the diocesan bishop to effect the merge. I am trying to be a discerning listener as factions on either side of the issue are sorting out the plusses and minuses of the immediate situation. Listening is one thing I understood was part of diaconal ministry, even if only to allow all sides of a situation to vent. I have no power or influence whatever in the final decision, which will come from Rome "soon". But as I have a vested interest in the outcome, I listen with patience and restraint.
Meanwhile, at the other parish I serve, I was asked and subsequently volunteered to assist with livestreaming daily Mass. But some complications not of my own making are giving this the look and feel of a part-time job. Indeed, all of the ministry projects in which I'm involved, although some are temporary, are keeping me very busy.
And then there are bizarre stories that can only happen within the Church. The bizarre debate over the use of the (1962) Traditional Latin Mass, the hypersensitivity and inconsiderate references to sexual overtures, even the argument over what constitutes good and appropriate music in the liturgy are all within my sphere of experience.
And a news item I read the other day was also upsetting. In the Diocese of Pittsburgh PA, there is a rather unusual situation. According to reports, a single parish has seven satellite locations or "worship sites" - each one at one time a separate parish, but now all under one pastoral umbrella due to restructuring. The main parish just announced that it must close the seven other campuses due to financial circumstances. It stands to reason; restructuring took financial concerns into consideration along with clerical staffing. But how this was allowed to be created in the first place is the likely reason for its failure, hence the decision to close these other facilities.
Makes you wonder just what is going on between the Church of Christ (Catholic) and the "Church Incorporated", and what bizarre twists and turns have led us to where we are now. And herein lies what my subconscious had to play with. That, and the lack of deep sleep - due to neuropathy in my feet and hot flashes (bed sweats) as a side effect of the medication I am taking for prostate cancer, all comes together in the following scene.
I am in a church, presumably for Mass, and the first thing I see is children playing in the sanctuary - tossing around the empty chalice, crayon drawing on the altar linens, doing what toddlers do to hymnals. And I am visibly upset. This is the house of prayer to God, and someone has turned it into a playground!
Someone had to allow this to happen (certainly not the children's parents), and while Jesus said "let the children come to Me" I didn't believe this was what He intended. So I locate a man who appeared to be the facilitator, and I let him have it. A verbal barrage, from both barrels. How can this be allowed? Doesn't anybody else realize that this is a sacred place? You are allowing this house of God to be defiled, and it must stop! NOW!!
And with a simple gesture redirecting my gaze to the scene over which I was so angered, the Mass was going on as it normally would, and people were receiving Holy Communion...and there were many, many empty seats.
And then I became aware that I was no longer asleep.
I don't have a clue what this is supposed to mean or symbolize. And all I could think in my mind and pray, for the next fifteen minutes, over and over, was God, why are You showing me this? What am I supposed to make of this? What have I done or am doing that would paint something like this in my subconscious mind?
I have been struggling with my true worth before God lately, so much so that I have wondered whether I need to see a spiritual counselor. Time and finances have kept me from doing so. I have talked to colleagues over some of this, mainly to get it out from inside and not really expecting any answer. The vibe I'm getting is that I'm doing fine and anyone at this level of attachment to things of the Church should not consider this unusual. Continue to pray. Continue doing what you're doing, because you do it very well. That being said, I still feel that I have an uncommon and yet, still very confused sense of how any of this fits in with what I've been taught regarding the intent Jesus had as he named Peter as "the rock on which (He) will build (His Church).
How many more nights like this can I expect? Pray for me as I pray for you.
Until we meet again, may God be with you - and may He have mercy on us all...
+the Phoenix
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